Ataru's Onihood
by Saotome Kyuubi
Summary: Ataru saves Lum from a serious injury, and gets injured himself... now it's up to Lum to get Ataru back on his feet again.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I don't own Urusei Yatsura. UY belongs to Rumiko Takahashi, VIZ and some such.

"Spoken"

_-Thought-_

**Sound FX**

Urusei Yatsura: Ataru's Onihood…

Prologue: A morning of ominous portents

Moroboshi Ataru woke up to a normal morning. First things he became aware were Jariten, who was squished under his elbow, and the alien princess Lum who was staring at him from the closet in which she usually slept in. Ataru frowned at this unusual scrutiny and demanded "What are you staring at?" with a tone that was mixture of irritation, satisfaction and worry.

The green-haired girl blinked before smiling prettily at her 'husband', who was at the time deliberately squishing the squirming Jariten with his elbow, and said "Darling… I was just thinking about how nice it is to see you first thing in the morning…" Ataru only grunted while dodging a small blast of fire from the irate Ten. He lost his concentration when Lum innocently added "It would be so much nicer just waking up next to Darling… wouldn't it."

The momentary loss of concentration cost him a rather 'warm' breath straight to the face, to which he reacted by grabbing the conveniently placed frying pan and batting Jariten to the wall. Lum simply sighed at the usual morning antics of her cousin and 'Darling' who were now engaged in a fierce fight in which insults, flames and miscellaneous flammable and non-flammable objects were thrown whichever way. She sighed again before making her way downstairs and to the inevitable warzone that was the Moroboshi breakfast table.

-----

Ataru was absently kicking a small pebble that was on the road as he walked towards Tomobiki high school with Lum hovering several meters to his right. The breakfast had been as per usual with him and Ten fighting but that really wasn't the thing that bugged him. Rather it was the fact that he had lost concentration from a simple remark from Lum. He wasn't attracted to the Oni girl… not in the least… nope… not at least until he graduated from high school… until then Lum was simply a nuisance that hampered his skirt chasing.

Not that he would admit it to anyone, even to himself, but after that incident with Prince Rapa, Rupa or whatever his name was, Ataru had cut down his skirt chasing with almost one third with the intention to quitting it altogether after graduating. If cornered by his own conscience he would argue that Lum was a princess and thus marrying her would secure his own future without the need for boring things like school and the like… but that was the only reason, seriously. Of course that particular train of thought would imply that he was in someway or form interested in marrying Lum, which was of course untrue… entirely untrue.

His internal debate was rudely interrupted when a certain bald and wrinkled excuse of a monk popped in the middle of his field of vision. Ataru let out a loud yell of **"KYAAA!"** followed by some hacking and wheezing as he tried to regain his breathing and stop a major cardiac arrest before it claimed his life. After a tenuous moment he whipped out a large wooden mallet and smashed the monk with it. "Damn it Cherry… quit it already with the close-ups on your hideous face… you nearly gave me heart attack."

The monk, Cherry, simply pointed a finger at Ataru's face and said "You… there's an ominous shadow on your face… something bad will happen to you if…" He got no further when Ataru again swung the wooden mallet and sent the monk sailing towards the horizon, all the while yelling "And quit with the ominous shadow crap too…" As Cherry vanished in a blink of light Ataru cursed inwardly about _-Damn that monk… he just lives to make my life miserable… and now the morning is ruined and everything… damn him.-_

There was light at the end of the tunnel however, as an opportunity in the form of a young lady presented itself. Faster than normal eye could track Ataru appeared next to the said lady with a pen and notebook in hand and cheerfully questioned. "Ne, Ne, Ne… What's your address and phone number?" This was all done while creeping closer and closer to the unfortunate girl.

This did not sit well with Lum who became angrier by the moment and soon enough the smell of ozone began to permeate the morning air. With a loud yell of **"Darling repent!"** and a crackle of electricity, one Moroboshi Ataru received his first 'Zaks' of the day. After few moments of electrocuting her errant 'husband' Lum decided simply to leave the writhing 'Darling' and turned to fly towards their school while muttering to herself about 'Darling no Baka'.

Ataru on the other hand wasn't too fazed by the electrocution, he was used to it after all. He did decide to abandon his skirt chasing though, as his target had fled while yelling "It's still alive… it's not human… it's a monster" Ataru sighed, another misunderstanding… it wasn't like it was his fault that he had built up a resistance to Lum's 'Zaks'. Or perhaps it was, but only slightly… Lum was overreacting to everything as usual. Speaking of Lum… Ataru glanced at the direction she had flown to and suddenly paled.

With speed no one would have believed him capable of Ataru ran towards the righteously pissed off Lum who was still preoccupied with the earlier incident and blissfully unaware of the impending doom that was closing on her in the form of an errant truck. With a loud yell of "Luuummm!" the famous lecher of Tomobiki high lunged forward to propel the alien princess clear of the trucks path…

There was a sound of metal meeting flesh, a crack of bones and then a loud scream of **"DAARRLLIIING!"**

A certain airborne monk heard the loud cry and mumbled to himself. "It's fate… Naman da… Naman da…"

A/N:

Post Manga/Anime fic, uses manga as base but will have Lum's stormtroopers (Megane, Chibi, Perm and Kakugari) in this along with Kosuke.


	2. What? He's hurt

Disclaimer: I don't own Urusei Yatsura. UY belongs to Rumiko Takahashi, VIZ and some such.

"Spoken"

_-Thought-_

**Sound FX**

Urusei Yatsura: Ataru's Onihood…

Chapter 1: What? He's hurt… this is ominous indeed.

Tension was running high in the hospital waiting room. Lum was alternating between wringing her hands, flying around, pacing around and crying… or doing all of them at once. Ataru's mother was doing pretty much the same, minus the flying of course. They both sprang up when a white clad doctor came to the room and cleared his throat. "Mrs. Moroboshi, Lum-san… I have been treating Ataru's condition and I have to say that it's severe." He hung several x-rays on the wall and pointed at what appeared to be a section of Ataru's back. "I'm afraid that his spine has been completely broken here and here."

At this Mrs. Moroboshi broke into a flood of tears while Lum calmly stared at the picture, it was serious but they could cure it right? She was just about to voice her question when the doctor continued. "The damage done to his spinal cord is irreparable… I'm afraid that Ataru will be permanently paralyzed from the neck down. It's a miracle that he even survived as it is."

Lum blinked back several tears that threatened to spill. _-Irreparable damage… but it's just a broken back… how primitive are their medical treatments. I definitely have to call daddy… He'll help me fix Darling right up.-_ After giving Ataru's mother a gentle squeeze on the shoulder she whispered "I need to go make a call." before leaving for her UFO via the window.

-----

Meanwhile the homeroom 2-4 was abuzz with a rumour about Ataru's injury. The accident itself had been witnessed by one of the girls who related the story to everyone who was interested, which was everyone in the class and moreover pretty much everyone in the whole school. The incident itself had been fairly straightforward. Ataru had pushed Lum to safety and gotten hit by a truck himself and had then been taken to the nearby hospital by paramedics who were surprisingly quick to enter the scene.

The tale caused a multitude of different reactions. Most girls agreed that despite being a notorious lecher and skirt chaser Ataru was willing to risk bodily harm to help a girl, of course the said girl would then be harassed for a reward date or whatever but still. The boys were grateful that Lum had not been harmed but cursed Ataru for being the hero of the story and decreasing their chances with Lum even further. The most common reaction, however, was 'What the Ataru was hurt… he never gets hurt… the end must be near.'

This emotion was readily seconded by their homeroom teacher Onsen Mark who knew from bitter experience the extent of Moroboshi's unnatural endurance. He was considering on ending the classes early so that he might find solace in the form of Sake… He was interrupted by the ever so stoic principal of Tomobiki high who turned to speak for the class. "I'm sorry to inform you that your classmate Moroboshi Ataru has been hospitalized. He was injured while saving another classmate of yours from a grievous injury… I was informed by the doctors that he is probably paralyzed for life from the neck down. Seeing as it is Golden Week next week, I would suggest that you take the time to visit your fallen friend… that is all, have a nice day."

His announcement was taken in a stunned silence, it was one thing for Ataru to get hurt so badly that he would need hospitalization… but to actually paralyze him for life. Onsen Mark began to sweat. _-This can't be… Moroboshi is like a cockroach, he can't be stopped by something as frail as a truck, even if it's a fifty-ton truck with a load of live pigs… This is surely a sign of Armageddon, Ragnarok, Acharit Hayamim or in other words the end of the world. I must flee…-_

Similar thoughts were raging rampart among the students of homeroom 2-4 along with more complex thoughts like _-Poor Ataru-kun… He might be a lecher but still he's a good friend-_ from Shinobu. A collective _-Ataru… it's good that you sacrificed yourself to save our sweet Lum from harm… and equally good that you are now out of the way…-_ from the 'Lum StormTroopers'. A frown and sigh accompanied by _-Damn Ataru… I just hope Lum has some gimmick to fix you up.-_ from Kosuke.

And finally a 'thoughtful' thought of _-Moroboshi…You will have the best doctors the Mendo fortune can buy… for the sake of Lum-san and even your own, as you are certainly a worthy adversary who deserves better than to rot away like a vegetable. And it will give me a better chance to offer comfort to the distraught maiden Lum.-_ from one claustrophobic heir of the Mendo fortune.

-----

Back in the hospital the mood was rather desolate. Mrs. Moroboshi had not quite understood why Lum had left so suddenly and was now wailing in Ataru's room. Ataru who was slowly returning to the world of the living was understandably irritated by the incessant wailing, which was a norm whenever he was in hospital. Quickly turning his head he noticed that, thankfully, there were no strange women demanding that he marry their preschool aged children, no rice dealers yelling that he had impregnated the dealer's wife and whatnot.

As an odd touch there was no green hair anywhere though… _-Lum you idiot, first you try to get killed by a truck and now you don't even have the nerve to show up to help me after I get hurt saving you…- _Ataru sniffed in irritation and tried to scratch his head, and failing to do that he surmised that he was in a full body cast and was unable to move his hands.

His movement was noticed by his mother though and he was grabbed into a death grip by Mrs. Moroboshi who instantly began to wail even louder. "Oh my poor baby… crippled for life by a cruel fate… **WAAAH!**" Ataru frowned at this _-Crippled? What the hell?...-_ It didn't take long for a doctor to arrive and explain what had happened, an explanation that really put a gloomy pall over the hospital room… moreover Ataru's mood was darkened by the fact that Lum was noticeably absent.

It was only an hour later when the said alien princess made her appearance, she immediately went over to hug Ataru which caused a visible reaction from the patient in question. After receiving his hug Ataru's face turned into a mask of seriousness. "Lum…" this caused the Oni girl to blink. "Lum… I know that we've had our… disagreements over the past. But now the doctors say that I'm paralyzed below my neck, I can't feel my arms or anything." Lum tried to interrupt at this point but was overridden by a more forceful tone. "Lum… I told you that I'd say it on my deathbed, well I'm not dying but close enough so I want you to promise me one thing."

Lum blinked and asked. "Promise?" At this Ataru nodded and continued. "I want you to forget that I ever even existed… I care you see and now… now it's too damn late I just wanted you to know that. So please, just forget about me and be happy… just be happy Lum."

His heart crumbled when the green-haired girl began to smile happily… the heart crumbled and crumbled until Ataru's brain registered the fact that Lum was actually hugging him while whispering "I'm so happy Darling… now then, where is that doctor?" Ataru blinked at this and was about to question the abrupt change in mood when Lum continued. "There's a hospital ready for you on planet Uru, a broken back is nothing to any Oni worth her salt… Daddy promised that they'll fix you up to be better than ever."

Before Ataru could ask or object to something like this his mother had already zoomed out to grab the doctor and returned in a flash with Ataru's medical file and several IV medicine bags. The doctor was rather surprised but didn't object after Lum began to glow slightly and give off sparks that would be directed to the poor doctor should he press the issue. Before Ataru could even regain his bearings he was in a strange alien machine that covered him from waist down and was being transported to the all too familiar tiger striped UFO.


	3. The Onihood

Disclaimer: I don't own Urusei Yatsura. UY belongs to Rumiko Takahashi, VIZ and some such.

"Spoken"

_-Thought-_

**Sound FX**

Urusei Yatsura: Ataru's Onihood…

Chapter 2: The Onihood and planet Uru...

The trip to the Oni homeworld of Uru was a quiet one. Lum went quietly about her list of things that were necessary to fly her UFO while Ataru generally brooded, a bout of moodiness that was actually his own making and wasn't even alleviated by the elation of a promised cure. There had been a nasty little fight between the two, in which Ataru had questioned Lum's motives on curing him.

**--- Flashback ---**

He narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "So Lum… what will you be getting out of this then?... I bet you are demanding that I promise to marry you or something right?" Ataru immediately winced inwardly at the shift of expression on Lum's face, this time he'd really, really hurt the girl's feelings.

He was suddenly feeling miserable even without seeing the quickly forming tears or hearing the pained voice that said. "Darling… I, I… I just want you to be able to… to walk again… but if that's what you think then I… I'll take you back to Earth after they fix you up and won't bother you anymore if you don't want me to…"

**--- End Flashback ---**

After few hours he'd had it, deciding to try and apologize he really tried. "Lum…" there was no response. Giving up on girls was one trait that Moroboshi Ataru didn't possess however so he tried again. "Lum… please…" This time there was a slight shift of her posture that told the experienced womanizer that he was being listened to. "I… I'd like to say that being injured like this made me moody but that's not it. I didn't mean what I said, it's just that in the past you always had these plots, like what with the love candy and the magnetic lipstick and whatever."

At this the side of Ataru's nose began to itch, damnable thing that was made worse by the fact that he couldn't scratch it. "Anyway Lum… I really didn't mean what I said there and all so just stop crying please… save some Zaks so you are on top condition when I get out from the hospital, so you can put me right back in. Sounds good right?"

The words had their desired, maybe even too much so, effect. For whatever reason the daughter of the Oni Warlord Invader was indeed head over heels in love with a troublemaking human by the name of Moroboshi Ataru… and as such she quickly forgot the argument and spent the rest of the trip by holding Ataru's head and cooing "Darling… you'll be as good as new soon." into his ear.

-----

The Oni hospital was an intriguing place with futuristic equipment strewn about like a high-end Science Fiction movie. Unfortunately there was a slight hitch in the road of Ataru's recovery… namely the fact that he was a human and as such something almost completely out of the area of Oni medical expertise. The doctor in charge of Ataru's case was currently rubbing his head, right between the horns, he certainly didn't want to report to the Warlord that it would take months, perhaps years of studying the human anatomy before they could properly treat his 'son-in-law'.

The doctor's budding headache escalated when he entered the patient's room. The princess was sitting on a chair next to the bed and affectionately stroking the human's forehead… The doctor sighed and then cleared his throat. "Well… we seem to be able to cure you Moroboshi-san… however…" This immediately caused two faces to fall. "It will take us some time as we are not too familiar with the human anatomy… it would seem that humans can't simply regenerate nerve tissue and as such we would have to introduce an outside stimuli to trigger the regeneration. As it is we would have to look in to the matter, a process which might take months or even years."

Before either Lum or Ataru could speak the doctor continued. "There is however an alternative… we could genetically re-engineer Moroboshi-san's DNA, make him an Oni if you will. This would eliminate the need for outside stimulus and would speed up the recovery process so that he should be fully recovered within two weeks." He paused to let the words sink in and then continued. "If you wish to discuss this between the two of you, I am sure that Lum-sama is quite knowledgeable about this process as she requested the information shortly after our foiled invasion of your own homeworld."

With this the doctor left the room leaving a blushing Lum and somewhat confused Ataru behind. Before he could even ask Lum started. "Darling… there's something you should know about us Oni, for one we live a lot longer than you humans… why… daddy wanted to invade earth and give it to mommy as a present for their 120th anniversary." Ataru blinked, this certainly was something new. "They would slightly alter your genetic structure so you would then age like one of us… you would also get horns and would have to learn to fly and all that."

Before she could continue Ataru asked in almost frantic tone "Would I turn into a 'Tiger-Cow' like that moron Rei?" When Lum only smiled and shook her head Ataru continued. "Fine then… let's do it." Lum just stared at the boy in wonder, he was so willing to let them alter his own body. "And what I said in the hospital on Earth… I really meant it… Arigato Lum… chan." She almost fell down on this, Ataru had called her Lum-chan. Quickly composing herself she opened the door and told the doctor to "Do it."

Ataru only felt a slight prick in his neck before he began to fall into a comfortable darkness. The last thing he was aware was a face framed with green hair, a pair of blue eyes and a slight kiss on his own cheek and a whisper of "Good luck Darling…" before the darkness claimed him.


	4. To test the Son in law

Disclaimer: I don't own Urusei Yatsura. UY belongs to Rumiko Takahashi, VIZ and some such.

"Spoken"

_-Thought-_

**Sound FX**

Urusei Yatsura: Ataru's Onihood…

Chapter 3: To test the 'Son-in-Law'

First thing he became aware was the pain, he was feeling like had been run over by a truck… incidentally he had been run over by a truck but damn, it hadn't hurt like this before. The second feeling that hit him was the itching, his scalp itched… his mouth itched and his fingernails itched. The third thing that he became aware of was that he was feeling things below the neckline, something that filled him with joy, or would have had he not been hurting so much. As such he only groaned instead of jumping around in delight.

The groan brought a frazzled looking girl right into his arms. "Darling… how are you feeling." Ataru really tried to say something but the fact that he was being crushed by an embrace and the other fact that his mouth and throat felt like the Mojave desert, made him fail. After several tries he managed a croak/groan of "Whadder." which the Oni princess luckily understood. After several mouthfuls he was able to talk but noticed to his own dismay that there was no-one else in the room.

Soon after Lum returned with the doctor in tow, a doctor who after checking several readouts from the machines to which Ataru was connected to boggled at his patient. "Well… Moroboshi-san. It would seem that you are indeed recovering well. I must say that I have never seen such an extraordinary speed with which my patients recover. The re-engineering of your DNA to match Oni DNA was quite the success and the following operation to begin repairing the damage to your back was… I must say you recover faster than any other patient I have ever treated or even heard off…"

Lum added a helpful "Darling has always been quick to recover from almost anything" to the conversation before the Doctor continued. "Indeed, well judging by the current readouts it might be possible for you to leave tomorrow even. I must again commend you on your abilities… it's only been three days and you are almost up to norm. As for the itching I'm sure you are feeling, it will pass in a few days. Other than that I'll see you first thing tomorrow morning. Oh and I'll release these restraints now, just please make sure you won't move around too much until I give you the permission, it'll further speed the recovery."

After the doctor had left there was an awkward silence that stretched for several moments. Moments, during which Ataru noticed how tired Lum seemed to be. Tentatively he asked. "Lum… when was the last time you slept?" A question which went unanswered for some time until Lum finally answered that she hadn't slept since before Ataru's accident. Ataru blinked at this and then steeled his resolve and scooted over to the other side of his bed to make some room before stating. "You are going to get your Alien butt here and get some sleep… it wouldn't do for me to be released tomorrow if you fall asleep on the instant. Is this understood Lum…chan."

Any and all objections were overridden by Ataru as he practically forced Lum into the bed. Not in a bad way mind you, but he wasn't about to let little things like 'I give off electricity when I sleep' and some such deter him. He had after all, during a moment of weakness, said that he really did care for the alien pest… errr princess and he wasn't about to go back on his word. Besides he really couldn't sleep peacefully if Lum was not doing the same thing, a pathetic human weakness of his.

-----

The next day began with a crackle of electricity, but contrary to the usual Ataru wasn't affected by it in a bad way, instead he felt more than slightly good after receiving a healthy amount of 'Zaks' from Lum who was apparently having a bad dream or what not. What really surprised him was the fact that the crackling of electricity didn't fade but rather there was an incessant tugging at his hand and when he began to concentrate on it a small spark of lightning electricity formed between his fingers. Blinking at the phenomenon he tried again, this time causing his entire hand to blaze with crackling electricity, without thinking he put his hand on Lum and discharged a large amount of electricity that made the Oni girl writhe in her sleep.

A mumbled "Mhhhhh Darling… Harder!" caused a borderline nosebleed on Ataru, who snickered after mastering his boiling blood… apparently he had the same nice electric ability that Lum had instead of turning into a cow-tiger like Rei. Moreover it seemed that electric shocks didn't hurt anymore, rather they felt more than slightly… nice. After a quick scratching of his head, that revealed two newly formed horns, Ataru was feeling more than a little content. _-Being an Oni is probably better than I realized… and Lum looks so cute when she sleeps, I wonder if…-_

His musings were interrupted by the awakening Lum who immediately began to stare at him, only to quickly give a slight hug and whisper "I'm so happy Darling… you might get out today." Lum's mood brightened further when Ataru explained, and showed for that matter, his newfound powers over electricity. Her mood was catching and soon Ataru found himself skipping in the hallway attempting to fly, a skill that deviously eluded him even after almost half an hour of practice. Why, he even kept smiling after Lum announced that they were going to meet her parents.

Soon after the smile was absent on Ataru's face. There had been several conflicting signals coming from Lum's parents… Lum's mother had happily spouted her 'Alienese' gibberish that Ataru had only understood the part about happy, Lum and Ataru. Then she had hugged him and whisked Lum off to somewhere a moment later. Lum's father, the Oni Warlord Invader, had been entirely different. He had continuously glared at Ataru while being only marginally civil… that was until the ladies left the vicinity, after that he'd been downright hostile.

Currently Ataru was being hung by the front of his, new 'Oni-style' tiger-striped, clothing by the murderous looking Warlord. He got a nice view of the intimidating fangs that mr. Invader sported and subconsciously poked his own, quite underdeveloped, fangs that had been growing since the 'onification' process. Lum's father glared at the boy he was dangling in his massive fist. "Now then… Moroboshi… You are an Oni now, thus you are my underling and therefore I will now test you to see if you are fit enough to continue to court my daughter…" Ataru swallowed, he really didn't even want to think about what would happen should he argue about not wanting to marry Lum.

-----

The alien princess in question was still red with embarrassment. Her mother, after meeting with 'Darling' had dragged her back to the hospital where she'd been given a contraceptive shot by a couple of smiling nurses, wished well by them and told to take it easy in the bedroom. All this while her own mother was there adding her own input into the conversation. Lum still hadn't gotten over the shock, not with her mother sitting right next to her and handing her the Oni version of 'Kama Sutra' and giving all sorts of useful tips in the bedroom… seriously it made her slightly sick, also it made her worried about 'Darling' who was right now somewhere with her father… what kind of nonsense would her father spout to 'Darling'

The question was answered when there was a loud crash accompanied by a cloud of dust as one Moroboshi Ataru came crashing through the wall. He stood up on shaky feet, cradling his left arm which was obviously, judging by the unhealthy angle it was in and the trickle of blood that was falling from it, broken. Ignoring the loud yells of "Darling… what happened" and "¤×®ǽǿΔΘЏف ٧۞۩⁬↔√♂☼☺?" Ataru ran back out from the hole he had just made, there were several yells and a loud crash, after which Lum's father came in carrying the limp form of Ataru.

He smiled apologetically before flashing a fanged grin. "I'll just take him to the hospital… nothing to worry about, only a broken arm… few ribs and all that. All in all he did pretty well so I guess I'll allow the engagement officially then. He might even make a decent Oni after all… what with the fighting spirit and all."

-----

Ataru woke up in the hospital for the second time that day, only this time there was no Lum sleeping next to him. Instead he was met with a fanged grin from none other than the Warlord Invader, Lum's father and the very same guy who had sent him to the damn hospital. Oddly enough the large Oni seemed to be friendly, almost exceedingly so, and kept talking about the comings and goings of Planet Uru and the galaxy in general while the doctor fitted an odd see-trough cast on Ataru's forearm.

After the pair left the hospital Ataru was once more taken back by an almost gruff sounding question. "What are your intentions towards my daughter now… Ataru-kun?" To say that he was floored was an understatement, the guy had been prepared and willing to rip him into pieces only an hour earlier and now he was pretty much the good daddy, looking out for his daughter.

The newly 'Onified' Ataru tried to think of something witty to say but failed and instead decided to go with what had been bothering him since well… some time now. "Umm… I really don't want to marry Lum just yet I mean… we're just in High School and all that. Besides I understand that Oni live longer than humans so… err, we have time right?" There was a certain darkening aspect of the larger man's face that made him continue in haste. "And I mean I don't… know about Oni errr… customs so how do you ask a girl to… you know, marry you?. In Earth we date and stuff, then get engaged and so on."

With the last part the protective father turned into ecstatic 'grandfather-wannabe' and dragged Ataru towards a Oni jewellery shop. When inside he bellowed in a loud voice. "Engagement rings for my son-in-law here and my daughter Lum." before Ataru could utter a word. In the end Ataru had finally managed to get his own voice known, not in much other extent than actually getting a say in what the rings actually looked like though. After the rings were given to Ataru he was immediately dragged off again by the Oni Warlord who stopped after some time at a 'Pop-a-house' apartment seller.

Several hours later Ataru was seriously feeling cornered, he'd been forced to choose rings, apartment and the interior decorations of the said apartment… not to mention the lot into which the apartment would be deposited. Invader-san had promised to buy the appropriate lot from Tomobiki so that Ataru and Lum could start living off as a couple right off the bat. He also gave several rather 'insinuating' advices towards dealing with moody Oni women…

A/N: the "¤×®ǽǿΔΘЏف ٧۞۩⁬↔√♂☼☺?" was my attempt to depict the 'alienese' that Lum's mother speaks… It was depicted with Mah-Jong symbols in the Manga but I tried to make due with MS. Word…


	5. Living together

Disclaimer: I don't own Urusei Yatsura. UY belongs to Rumiko Takahashi, VIZ and some such.

"Spoken"

_-Thought-_

**Sound FX**

Urusei Yatsura: Ataru's Onihood…

Chapter 4: Living together…

The return trip to Earth was again done in rather awkward silence, this time it was the result of the happenings that followed Ataru's recovery. There was the more than slightly troubled exchanging of engagement rings… which was thankfully not 'witnessed' by anyone. Ataru's bumbling attempt to present the rings, Lum distrust regarding 'Darling' finally giving in and the fact that it had been Lum's father who had 'coerced' Ataru to get the said rings had given the pair more than enough problems. They had managed to talk things through and had even shared a tentative first kiss, first in the galactic history in which both Lum and Ataru were participating.

Of course things never went without a hitch and there had been some unwelcome company, namely Rei who had seen the last part of the exchange and charged in his Bull-Tiger form to try and kill Ataru, a process that was put to halt by Lum's father who stiffly ordered Rei to stay away from Lum and her fiancé until further notice.

This event was followed by a family dinner during which Ataru noticed that he was now able to ingest Oni foods without actually burning his mouth, this was something he was most certainly delighted about since if there was one thing Lum couldn't do, even if her life depended on it, and that was cooking food that would be suitable for earthlings.

This really wasn't the reason for the silence, rather it was the parting words from Lum's parents that got them all clogged up. For one, Lum's father said that Ataru had two years to learn about the Oni language and then he would be required, as Lum's fiancé to attend the Oni Military academy, so that he could serve as her adjutant in the case of war. Again that wasn't so bad, it really was Lum's mother who drove the pair over the top. She showed them a certain manual about certain activities in the bedroom, a manual that Ataru couldn't read but the pictures spoke for themselves. Lum on the other hand was more than able to read the text, thus she got even more embarrassed than her now official fiancé.

-----

It was some time after dinner in the Moroboshi household, it had been rather gloomy ever since Lum had taken Ataru from the hospital five days earlier. The only consolation was the presence of Jariten, or Ten-chan since he'd been a really good boy for the past few days. As it was the family were huddled together in the living room, trying to pull any comfort from each others presence, when there was a loud noise from upstairs… more specifically from Ataru's room.

When Ataru's parents and Ten finally made their way to the room they were greeted by a sight of Lum and the back of a horned stranger in tiger striped clothing. They naturally hogged on Lum and began to ask questions like "Where's my son/the idiot/Ataru?" Questions which were answered by a small cough and disdainful "Geez… I changed that much huh?"

-----

Few days later Lum and Ataru, along with Ten had settled into their new home, complete with a great Oni-proof kitchen, and were now ready to tackle the next week of their mandatory education. Ataru decided to wear a cap over his head to conceal the horns, just to shock his classmates and whatnot. He ignored the buzz of conversation as he walked into the classroom, followed by the flying Lum, and sat down on his usual spot. Soon enough he was swarmed by almost everyone in the class saying that they were glad that he was better, although he noticed that several girls held his hand longer than was strictly necessary.

He also noticed Shuutaro Mendo's greeting. "Moroboshi… I'm… I'm really… I" Mendo got no further when Ataru grabbed his hand "What is it Mendo? You were worried? About me? Ne Shuutaro… Ne ne Mendo-kun… Ne TEME!" And so the pair was facing off, one with a large mallet and the other with a sharp katana. Both were smiling though, things were back to normal… or so it would seem.

There was also chatter among the girls, someone had spied Lum on a date with a hunky looking Oni guy… and the rumour mill went wild. Ataru was obviously dumped by Lum who now had a new hubby, a hot looking, least from behind, Oni guy… complete with horns and a nice sexy outfit.

And so entered the teacher… Onsen Mark, who immediately noticed Ataru Moroboshi sitting on his designated desk and wearing a goofy looking hat. Hiding his relief he decided to get Moroboshi for making him worry over the Golden Week and hastily strode next to the bane of his existence all the while pointing at his head. "Moroboshiiii! What the hell are you wearing… that hat is against school regulations… TAKE IT OFF!" He then flipped the hat off Ataru's head and suddenly froze at the sight of two horns that were prominently displayed on Ataru's head. "Damn you Moroboshi… that trick won't work on me twice. Now get rid of those fake horns and stay the hell up during my classes…"

Ataru just lazily scratched his head, right between the horns, before standing up. "Sure thing Onsen Mark… I'll just remove these fake 'horns' along with these." He opened his mouth. "fake 'fangs'… not to mention that I'll just stop making these…" He opened his arm while marching towards the now retreating teacher. "…fake 'lightings'. Right Onsen Mark?" Ataru was now laughing maniacally and making electricity dance between his fingers while the poor teacher had retreated as far as the classroom would allow him.

Onsen Mark was sweating bullets while staring at the dancing electricity in Ataru's hand. Lum had been bad enough but she never really 'Zakked' anyone other than Ataru and sometimes Mendo… but Ataru with alien powers was really something to reckon with. Thinking quickly he dried off some sweat and said. "Now now Moroboshi-kun… I hear you had a grievous accident last week, surely you mustn't exhaust yourself after such an ordeal. I'll make sure to inform the other teachers that you might… 'nod off' during classes but it's only because of the injury… right?"

Ataru brightened visibly and nodded in agreement while saying "Right!" in a loud voice. Minutes later he was snoring loudly…

-----

No sooner than the lunch break had started that Mendo had heard some of the girls gossip. Namely he'd heard the part about Ataru being on a date with Lum and moreover he'd heard that Lum and Ataru now lived together… alone… without parental supervision. This caused him to draw his sword and attack, and be foiled by Ataru's perfected sword catching technique. "Moroboshi, you bastard… I can't allow you to sleep under the same roof with the innocent Lum-san."

This emotion was seconded by the 'Lum StormTroopers' who were approaching Ataru from behind, something that really didn't even concern the man in question. Ataru just smiled his new fanged smile and said. "Ne… Mendo-kun, there's one tiiny-weeny flaw in your planned attack method." His smile turned predatory. "And it's not the fact that you would try to slice me up… it never worked before, it sure as hell won't work now." There was a slight smell of ozone. "See the flaw in your plan is that… metal conducts electricity."

There was a loud **ZAKZAKZAKZAKZAKZAAAAAAAAAK** followed by an awed noise from the rest of the class as Mendo Shuutaro was almost electrocuted to death. Without turning Ataru addressed Megane and his cronies. "And you guys… seriously I have no compunctions about hurting you unlike Lum so beat it…" He then turned and made a very good impression of an angry Oni, with bared teeth and a loud roar."

-----

Later that night… Lum had sent Jariten to sleep with Ataru's parents and was now making her specialty, this time the kitchen was fully equipped to make the treat and Ataru's mouth was fully equipped to receive the said specialty. They had an audience though, what with the 'Lum StormTroopers', Mendo and pretty much everyone else watching them through the windows. Ran wasn't there, she was still trying to make out ways to make Lum pay for breaking Rei's heart… even though it really played her way, she was still determined to make Lum pay.

After dinner Lum kissed Ataru right in front of the audience causing most of them to get in and try to break up the pair, luckily the Oni built houses were completely soundproofed, burglar-proofed and so on. Then Lum started to give off small sparks of electricity in a very specific way that drove Ataru almost insane… so insane that he returned the sparks with several 'Zaks' of his own which resulted in Lum all but dragging him to the bedroom while ripping of their respective clothing.


	6. Epilogue

Disclaimer: I don't own Urusei Yatsura. UY belongs to Rumiko Takahashi, VIZ and some such.

"Spoken"

_-Thought-_

**Sound FX**

Urusei Yatsura: Ataru's Onihood…

Epilogue: A dream of not so ominous portents.

Moroboshi Ataru woke up with a languid yawn, first thing he came aware was a squished Jariten under his elbow. Second thing he became aware was the alien princess Lum who was staring at him from her closet. He blinked_ -Uhhh why am I back at my parents' place? And why is Lum not sleeping next to me?-_ He then hastily scratched his head only to notice that there were no horns there. "Ack… my horns… what the…"

This odd statement was answered with a perplexed question from Lum "What horns Darling?" Ataru blinked again and turned his eyes towards Lum… only to turn away with a barely contained nosebleed. The dream had been so real, especially the last part where he'd been **BLANK**ing Lum's tight **BLANK**. Squeezing his nose he tried to redirected the conversation. "So what are you staring at anyway?" he asked, only to be driven into shock by the answer of. ""Darling… I was just thinking about how nice it is to see you first thing in the morning…"

He didn't even notice the slightly green tinged Jariten who was trying to wiggle out from underneath his elbow. _-That was only a dream… get a grip boy…-_ He didn't even notice Lum leaving until after he was brought back to reality by a soft poke to his face. "Hey you… Ataru you jerk… Did you have to ruin my sleep like that HUH?" Ten made face "Seriously… you were mumbling about **BLANK**ing Lum-chan's juicy **BLANK**s and **BLANK**ing her mppffhhf"

Ten got no further before being restrained and gagged by Ataru who was now sweating bullets, no way could he let Lum know about that… it would only give her ideas and… he might be even willing to participate in them. Sheesh what a stupid dream, giving him ideas that he was attracted to Lum… pffttt no way.

-----

Ataru was absently kicking a pebble and pondering about his dream and his relationship with Lum when an unwanted visitor in the form of Cherry popped into his field of vision. Cherry and his predictions of doom were quickly launched towards the horizon, however Ataru was starting to feel uneasy. Things were going too much like in his dream… to the extent of a "WOAAAAH" sexy babe in sight. "Ne, Ne, Ne… What's your address and…" He suddenly got a bad feeling and decided to drop the issue, unfortunately it didn't stop a certain alien princess from giving him a little electricity on that very beautiful morning.

Time seemed to slow down in Ataru's mind as he tried to regain his bearings and saw the truck already headed towards where Lum would be in a few moments. With an inhuman cry he wrenched himself from the ground and sped towards the angry girl… and managed to grab her only seconds before she got in front of the truck. With a muffled cry of "Lum!" Moroboshi Ataru broke down completely and began to weep against the startled Oni.

For the rest of the morning Lum was beaming happily, after all 'Darling' had finally confessed that he loved her and all that and was now ignoring the other girls in the class… something that worried the other classmates greatly. It had started when Kosuke, along with Shinobu had noticed that Ataru had not glomped, or tried otherwise to latch onto Shinobu. They had gone as far as to try and push Ryuunosuke straight into Ataru's desk, only to have him help the girl up and say something about trying to be more careful.

Panic began to spread after Nurse Sakura was called on the spot to cure this odd possession that haunted Moroboshi, panic that only escalated after Ataru failed to try and grope Sakura when she sat on his desk. When pressed on the issue in the safety of the nurse's office Ataru only responded with a statement that he'd a bad dream and really needed some time to figure it out…

Onsen Mark, in his panic, did a good deed, he was determined to save himself from the impending disaster, and ended the classes early, something which gave Ataru the chance to ask Lum about the age of her parents. The reply of "Well… lets just say that daddy wanted to invade Earth so he could give it to mommy as a present for their 120th anniversary." drove Ataru almost over the edge.

In a quivering tone he proclaimed that unfortunately they couldn't have a relationship if Lum was to live somewhere to the high end of 400 or so years, while Ataru would be long dead before their 100th anniversary. This made the Oni princess beam at her 'Darling' "But Darling… there's a process called 'onification' in which we will alter your genetic structure slightly and you will become an Oni… and you don't need to fear about turning into Rei or anything…"

That was the final nail in Ataru's coffin and soon enough he found himself aboard Lum's UFO, headed for the planet Uru. While Ataru was relaxing on the comfortable couch that Lum had in her UFO the princess in question was quickly going through whatever motions were needed to fly the UFO… not to mention she was humming "Hen to hen o atsumete motto hen ni shimashoo." while tugging away a small gadget that was labelled 'ACME Dream manipulator'.

She continued to hum "Hen na hen na uchuu wa taihen da! da! da!" while trying to contain the blush that was creeping up her cheeks. She'd seen 'Darling's' dream and was expectantly waiting to see if they would be **BLANK**ing before the week was over. She was especially looking forward to the part were she got to **BLANK** on 'Darling's' hard **BLANK** and after when 'Darling' would **BLANK** her **BLANK**ing **BLANK.**

The **BLANK**ing End…

A/N:

As said… a post manga/anime(movies included) story.

Lum is humming the UY first ending theme: Uchuu wa Taihen da. I think it's labelled as: The Big Space Party in English… anyway the words are:

Let's put weird and weird together, and make it even weirder!

Weird, weird, space is super-weird!

My tribute to YU in which I tried to keep this in the spirit of one of the greatest Manga/Anime ever created, namely the Urusei Yatsura, which I still today consider to be the funniest manga I have read… not to mention the anime in which the voice talents are simply just great, much better than in most current anime series.

If you haven't read UY then please do, parts of it were translated and published by VIZ, however they stopped the publishing in the mid 80's or so. If you read it and like it then please petition VIZ for the re-publishing of UY since Rumiko Takahashi's other works are currently best sellers (Inu-Yasha and Ranma ½…)

Anyways I hope you enjoyed reading this, a product of a hangover and a 12pack of 'restorative potions'...

Ta Ta and have a nice day


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